To Sing a Hundred Lullabies
by soft words and airy touches
Summary: because you're the one i want to sing me to sleep. / A hundred different songfics to the pairing of Beck&Jade.  Occasional side pairings will be Tori&André & Robbie&Cat.  I own nothing.  Rated T.
1. fall for you :: secondhand serenade

**a/n: so, i adore songfics, but, i hate to post them individually. therefore, i hatched this idea; a multichapter beck / jade fanfiction, that consists solely of songfics, & my goal, is to have at least a hundred posted chapters. (:**

**NOTES;;**

**1.) not all of these are going to be lullabies, i just thought that the title was awesome.**

**2.) the length of the chapter will depend of the length of the song.**

**3.) if any other pairings will be hinted at, they will be cat&robbie or andré**

**i do not own victorious, or fall for you by secondhand serenade.**

* * *

><p><strong>The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting;<strong>

**could it be that we have been this way before?**

* * *

><p>They both sat on the bed - opposite sides, neither daring to sit side-by-side, neither daring to look the other in the eye, neither daring to say a word. Words became sentence, and sentences that were even phrased in a less-then-friendly way led to misunderstandings, said misunderstandings led fights. Fights led to two hearts breaking just a tad bit more.<p>

An unconscious smile fell onto Beck's tanned face, but it was not his usual smile. No, it was his pained smile, the smile he gave whenever he was trying to convince everyone that he was fine, the smile he had when he thought of her.

Such a world record. They hadn't argued in the past few hours, but then again, they hadn't spoken in the past few hours. But still, they hadn't been fighting. An absent minded question fell off of chapped lips, "Have we been this way before?"

In an instant, he'd wished he'd said nothing at all.

Jade's head snapped toward him, her pale face illuminated by his dim lamp, the only light in his fairly dark room. But it wasn't dark enough; Beck could see the scowl form on her plump pink lips. He hoped she would let it slide, that she'd ignore his comment. But his faint hope was crushed when she accused, "What's that supposed to mean, Beckett?"

The fake smile dropped from Beck's lips, a frown quickly placing itself on his mouth. He mentally cursed himself, wishing that he would've said something different, not something that she could've turned into an arguement.

"Come on, Beckett," she shouted suddenly, getting off of the bed as if it was infected, turning toward him and asking with malice, "What's that supposed to mean?"

_You sound too much like Cat, _he thought, but he didn't dare to even say his statement outloud. He just glared right back at her, watching the piercing blue eyes of the girl he loves so much alight with a fire that ate at him, that bored into his own coffee-colored eyes.

"It means nothing, Jadelynn!" he snapped in reply, becoming frustrated with her constant accusations and overreacting. Must she always turn nothing into something?

* * *

><p><strong>I know you don't think that I am trying;<strong>

**I know you're wearing thin [down to the core]**

* * *

><p>She clenched her fists in fury, her combat boots making an angry thud against his <em>carpet<em> flooring. She spun around again, yelling, "You don't even _care_ about our relationship, do you, Beck? It means nothing to you, doesn't it? And I mean nothing to you, don't I? You don't love me anymore, do you?"

By the end of her questioning, her etes were rimmed red, her voice beginning to waver and lose it's confidence, then crack. Crack from the exhaustion of always bickering and bantering, the suspicions of seeing so many girls fawn after her _Beck_, the one person that held her heart - and most of all, the pain. Pain that sourced from the honest belief that he didn't love her anymore.

Unbelievable.

"When did I ever say you meant nothing to me, Jadelynn? When did I ever say that I _didn't_ love you?"

"You didn't have to say it."

* * *

><p><strong>Oh, but hold your breath,<strong>

**because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,**

**over again,**

**don't make me change my mind.**

* * *

><p>Within a moment's notice, he stood up off of the bed, coming closer to his girlfriend, who was very near to a meltdown. He was a few mere steps away from her, testing the waters. Too far away, she would think her sick thoughts were true. Too close, she could break.<p>

"Jade," he paused, struggling to find the right words, walking closer to her, slow, unsure, "Where would you even . . . even get an idea like that?"

"Oh, I don't know!" she sarcasticly sniffed, turning her back on him before any tears could fall, mascara leaving thick black rivers down her cheeks, blowing her cold façade, "Maybe from that kiss and little secret smiles to Tori? Your long yoga sessions with Alyssa Vaughn? Those random chicks who want your number and a little something extra?"

He stared at her in complete and utter shock, speechless.

He felt his mouth form into a thin, grim line, before his own eyes filled with tears. He could hardly remember the last time he'd cried, but he could faintly recall that it had been when he was sevem, and his old rottweiler, Max, had ran away, so the shaking of his breath was oh so very foreign. Look at him; the cool, always calm Beckett Oliver becoming so emotional. Jade stared at him, an expression of alarm flashing over her face.

"You . . . you never cry . . . " she whispered.

And in a moment, he knew what he had to do.

* * *

><p><strong>Or I won't love to see another day,<strong>

**I swear it's true;**

**because a girl like you's impossible to find**

**[you're impossible to find]**

* * *

><p>He gave a small, bitter laugh, his shoulder shaking slightly under her yellow flannel. He rubbed the rub of his neck, pressing his mouth into that same line again. One tear dripped down his face, falling quickly, dripping off his chin, but still leaving a visible watermark from his lower lashes to his tanned chin. He lifted his collar, rubbing it against his face, letting the yellow fabric absorb his tears.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>This is not what I intended;<strong>

**I always swore to you I'd never fall apart**

* * *

><p>He sniffled, and then said, "I never cheated on you, Jade. And I never intended you to think that I didn't love you; because I do. A lot. Tori's kind of like my younger sister, she's only a friend, and that kiss was <em>just<em> for improv, and besides, I'd never betray André like that! Alyssa, okay, she liked me, and she tried to flirt with me a few times, but I made it clear that there was always someone _else_ on my mind, someone I loved. And I don't care about any girl that'd just throw themselves at me . . . I care about _you._"

As his speech continued, his voice began to shake even more, another few tears dripping down his tanned face. He lifted his arm, wiping them away with his sleeve before she could make another comment about his bitter display of emotion. He gave another sad laugh, "And to think, I always swore I'd never fall apart."

Jade's eyes filled with fresh tears as she stared at him, murmuring, "Beck . . . "

* * *

><p><strong>You always thought that I was stronger;<strong>

**I may have failed but I have loved you from the start**

* * *

><p>"I know that you always leant on me, and that you thought I was the stronger when. And I had to be. I tried, babe, I tried so hard," Beck said softly, taking her face in his hands, "but I wasn't. I failed," his voice cracked again as he slowly said, emphasizing each word, "but I have loved you from the start."<p>

A small, almost unseen smile crosses Jade's pale face. He figures that she was thinking of the first time they met, in the empty, lone theater, when she was sitting on the piano bench, new to the school, murmuring a lullaby under her breath. He clapped, she jumped. He complimented her, she insulted him. He hit on her, she slapped him in the face. Less then ten days later, the Oliver charm had worked it's magic, and she fell for him.

"From the start," he repeats, voice barely a whisper.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh,<strong>

**but hold your breath,**

**because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,**

**over again,**

**don't make me change my mind**

* * *

><p>"Beck - "<p>

"No, don't," he rested his forehead against hers, "I promise you . . . it's you and _only _you. I love you, I'm in love with you, and nothing can ever, ever, _ever_ change that. _Ever. _Okay?"

She nodded, tears slowly beginning to drip from her closed eyes, but he kisses them all away before they're given the chance to fall.

"I . . . I . . . " she seems to have a sudden change of heart, shaking her head, "No, no, no," she whimpers, "You don't want to be with me, Beck, you don't."

He pressed a hard kiss against her lips, silencing her before she can say anything more. He shocked her with his rough passion, his lips slightly salty with the tears he had shed.

* * *

><p><strong>Or I won't live to see another day,<strong>

**I swear it's true,**

**because a girl like you's impossible to find,**

**[it's impossible]**

* * *

><p>"No, Jade," he says, forcing her to look into his eyes, "I don't just <em>want <em>to be with you, I _need_ to be with you. I don't care how cheesy you think this is, because I can't live without you; there's no other girl out there that can make me feel like you do."

* * *

><p><strong>So breathe in so deep,<strong>

**breathe me in;**

**I'm yours to keep,**

**and hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap**

* * *

><p>They breathed unevenly before he drew her in for another kiss, short, and sweet.<p>

"I'm yours," Beck whispered, his smile growing.

"Talk's cheap," Jade gently teased, giving him a thousand-watt smile before wrapping her arms tightly around him, and quietly beginning to cry.

* * *

><p><strong>And remember me tonight,<strong>

**when you're asleep**

* * *

><p>Beck knew Jade had always dreamed that he pour his heart out to her. Of course, Jade would never admit that desire outloud, and he had never been that type of guy. That is, until it threatened something he loved more then himself, more then life itself.<p>

_More then his hair._

* * *

><p><strong>Because tonight will be the night,<strong>

**that I will fall for you,**

**over again,**

**don't make me change my mind,**

**or I won't live to see another day,**

**I swear it's true;**

**because a girl like you's impossible to find**

* * *

><p>He held her face delicately in his hands, pressing his lips to her, engulfing her in a sweet, but passionate kiss, one he hoped that made his feelings completely clear.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,<strong>

**over again,**

**don't make me change my mind,**

**or I won't live to see another day,**

**I swear it's true;**

**because a girl like you's impossible to find**

* * *

><p>Beck pulled away, smiling gently at her, and reassuring, "You're Jadelynn West. You're the difficult, possessive, stubborn, beautiful Jadelynn West that I love. And I wouldn't have it any other way, "He gave her his toothy grin, "You're one of a kind, and impossible to find."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>You're impossible to find <strong>

* * *

><p><strong>an: so, how was that for the first oneshot of a hundred?**

**you know how it is; read & review, pretty pretty please with a cherry underneath? (:**


	2. slipped away :: avril lavigne

**a/n: okay. first, i have to say, that this next chapter is based off of/is a companion fanfiction to a video entitled "Jade & Beck - The day you slipped away" by ridingcupcake. go. watch. it. now. no excuses. _now. do it._**

**the video is found here:**** http:/ www. youtube .com /watch? v=Pj2r BmR1m m0&feature =channel_ video_ title**** (remove the spaces)**

**second, i have to apologize to you guys, because i haven't updated anything in _so_ long! do you guys still love me? D: xD**

**third, i hope this songfic lives up to your expectations. i'll understand if you think it sucks. xD**

**DISCLAIMER: i don't own ridingcupcake's _amazing_ video, the song "slipped away" by avril lavigne, or victorious.**

* * *

><p><strong>I miss you.<strong>

* * *

><p>Jade sits in her usual seat, at her usual table. Alone.<p>

It had been days. Weeks. Months. How long she didn't know, other then it being too long. That day she had lost track of the dates on the calendar, and everything was beginning to blur together. And even so, she still couldn't get used to the feeling of being hollow, and empty, as empty as the seat next to her.

Jade is, and always has been, well aware of what she is. She knows she isn't the greatest person. She's mean. She's cold. She's easily angered and easily made jealous. She's selfish. She laughs at most of her companion's pain and minor sorrow.

But she can _feel_, and dam nit, she can _love._ She isn't made of ice or stone, and she does have a heart, that beats just like Tori's or Cat's or _anyone's._

Sometimes, she wishes that she can't. She half wishes that she can't feel, or love, or cry, or miss him, and hell, she sometimes wishes she didn't even have a heart! Then that way, this pain, this excruciating, never-resting pain would just _go away._

But she does.

When she comes back down to earth, she realizes that she's stabbed her fork into her helpless salad so repetitively that the lettuce has become punctured and mangled, the tomatoes are leaking and unrecognizable, and the purple onion bits are torn in to violet little pieces. She glares at her inedible lunch, her fingernails digging into the skin of her palm. Is this _stupid _salad supposed to symbolize how she was feeling?

She grabs the tray, standing and briskly making her way toward the trashcan. She shoves her uneaten food into the waste can, clenching her coffee cup tight in her hand, continuing on without looking back.

* * *

><p><strong>I miss you so bad.<strong>

* * *

><p>She hears the bell ring, and almost automatically, she starts towards Sycowitz's classroom. Improv. How she used to almost <em>enjoy<em> the class, but found it hard without the intertwined hands, whispers and secrets, the light arguing, and the heavy kisses shared.

Hurriedly, before she can start _feeling_ that dreadful ache inside her hollow body, she grabs and twists the flesh on her wrist, trying to instead focus on the psychical pain. But she seems to only focus on the pain of losing him, as he infiltrates all her senses and slowly drives her to the brink of insanity.

She steps in the classroom, and pretends not to notice how the classroom gets a _little bit quieter_ with her entrance, or the stares of pity that follow her as she finds her seat.

She sits, one leg crossed over her other. She's _cold._ Strange to think, she had never been cold until now, with the seat next to her, empty.

"Jade!" she hadn't even realized he was speaking until her name was called, "pick your group!"

Wordlessly, she stands, and walks through the center of the classroom, up the steps onto the stage. And once she's reached the top step, she says, without thinking or turning, "Beck, Tori, André, Cat, Robbie."

She makes her way toward the center of the stage, turning around expectantly, and tapping her foot impatiently. The class is staring at her. There was looks of pity. Looks of shock. Looks of horror. And a sudden, obvious air of discomfort.

She glares, and near shouts, "_What?_"

Cat, with innocence, sadness, and tears shining in her big eyes stutters, "J-Jade . . . Beck's not here."

Her eyes widen, and she realizes her mistake. _Beck._

She looks and glares down at her hand, squeezing the cup of coffee she was holding even _tighter_, and then violently throws it at the wall, watching as it splatters, the lid flying off the top of the cup, staining the wall and carpet. It manages to have knocked down a mask on the wall, that had been crudely tacked her. She flees down the stairs, grabbing her black bag, and pushing her way out of the door.

She runs, and runs until she meets with her safe haven, the janitor's closet. She wrenches the door open and slams it shut behind her.

* * *

><p><strong>I don't forget you.<strong>

* * *

><p>She wills herself not to cry. She had already pathetically blubbered the night before, on her couch, and she knows it sounds crazy, but she saw Beck right next to her, in his usual relaxed position, asking her, <em>"Babe, why're you crying? I still love you."<em>

She was hallucinating. And pathetic, blubbering with all of the mascara running down her cheeks, making black rivers against her pale skin. Weak, vulnerable, pathetic. That's what she was. That's what she is.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh, it's so sad.<strong>

* * *

><p>She grasps at a pair of scissors in the side pocket of her bag, and viciously begins to hack at the first thing she sees; a piece of a black trashcan.<p>

As she tears away at the materials at hand, she the door creak open she automatically thinks it's Beck, there to drag her back to class before she got them in detention for being so melodramatic. So she stands, but finds that the door had instead become ajar on it's on. No Beck.

"_I love you," _he'd always say, whether he was angry at her, or her at him, whether they were both happy or sad, whether they were in public or in private, he'd always say it. Just to see the smile that would briefly grace her face.

But she never made a sappy, _"I love you, too," _confession, where they'd kiss in the rain and he'd carry her home, bridal style, and everything would be so _goddamn cheesy, and cliché, and happy._

She just never said it back.

Frustrated with herself, she hurriedly wipes away her tears, but to no avail. She begins to cry, harder, and harder, until she's sobbing, and can't see or think straight. She throws down the remainder of her materials, dropping back down to the floor, and curling her knees to her chest.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you can hear me.<strong>

**I remember it clearly.**

* * *

><p>She stands, blindly groping the door until she finds the handle. She shoves the door open, coming to face-to-face with Tori and Sinjin, with Robbie, Cat, and André in tow.<p>

"Jade," Tori pleads, but she doesn't say anything else, just hoping her call will stop the goth girl. And briefly, Jade does turn around.

They're all crying, in some form or way, with Tori sniffling, Cat sobbing, André fighting back tears, Robbie wiping away tears, and Sinjin just looking somber. They're all silently pleading with her to stop, stay, and come back to class so that they can all comfort her, and fix her.

But they can't.

So she turns back around, and keeps walking, her vision becoming blurrier and blurrier with each step she took, as the memories and the scene came flooding back, all at once, and overwhelming her.

* * *

><p><strong>The day you slipped away.<strong>

* * *

><p>They were in class. Beck was next to her, like he always was. Hands intertwined. Her leg over his.<p>

Sycowitz was rambling on and on about playing the character of a robot, when the intruder bell began ringing, loud and clear. Sycowitz hurriedly closed and locked the back door, which he was closest too, and ran over to the window, then as he was making his way to the main entrance, some eleventh grader burst through the door, a gun in hand.

By this time, everyone had been standing, freaking out and unsure of what to do. He pointed the gun to one a little freshman girl, grazing her arm. She fell. He pointed the gun to Eli Wood, barely missing the tip of his ear.

Then, he pointed the gun between Jade and Beck, as if deciding who to shoot first. Before Jade could register everything that was happening, Beck had pushed Jade down.

One shot. Beck's shoulder.

Another shot. Beck's ribs.

The second time, he fell.

She kept screaming, as did he, as did _everyone_, in terror, in agony, in _pain. _Robbie threw Rex at the junior's head, and the kid fell, as André and a few other guys tackled the gun-holder. Sycowitz picked up the girl. Robbie, Eli, and a couple of other guys picked up Beck.

Jade ran with him, struggling to keep a grip on his hand, and managing to.

They went to the hospital. The girl was fine, minimal blood loss, a bit of bruising, but thankfully, nothing major had happened.

The same couldn't be said for Beck. He had lost _so much blood,_ the shot had broken a majority of his right ribcage. His heartbeat was rocking back and forth between going to fast, to slow. She sat there, for hours, holding his hand, pleading for the doctors to help him, fix him, _save him._

But it was too late.

She remembered seeing the jagged red line go up, up, down, up, down, flat.

Beep.

Beep.

_Beep._

And then, he was gone.

She had sat there, her body wracking violently with her sobs, her wails, her screams. Everyone else was crying too, trying to help her, and offer condolensces to one-another, so why had she felt so _alone?_

* * *

><p><strong>Was the day, I found it won't be the same.<strong>

* * *

><p>She didn't return to school for weeks, until her too-blonde and too-touchy-feely step-mother, was ordered to drag her into the car, and drive her to school. Jade wanted to hit her, scream at her, as she tried to give a touching speech and relate to her. Heidi never liked Beck. Heidi never wanted her with Beck. Heidi had no <em>right <em>to cry, to say, _"I know what you're going through, Jadelynn, but you need to go back. You can't waste you life away."_

_Why not?_

Lane tried to talk to her first. She was called into his office, and directed to sit at the loveseat across from him. She stared at him blankly with every attempt he had at comforting her.

"_Jade, I know that you're upset, and you're depressed . . . But you have to overcome this. Just because Beck is dead, doesn't mean your life is over. You still have your whole life ahead of you."_

"_No," _she suddenly screamed, jumping to her feet, "_no, I don't! Not without him! We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, get married, with a bunch of little bratty kids and drooling dogs, and live happily-fucking-ever-after!"_

She knew her wishes and dreams, and her life she had planned for the both of them was a _little_ ridiculous, but she wanted it, _so badly_, and she would still give up the world if she could have it.

Lane drew back, at first slightly shocked. He bit down on his pen, tiredly shook his head, and quietly said, _"You're dismissed."_

About a week later, Cat had sat next to her at lunch. Brave, considering Jade had managed to chase everyone away. Jade hadn't even noticed her, instead staring at her vegetable burrito, her eyes beginning to water. A tear dripped from her eye, landing on the tortilla of the burrito. Cat sadly sniffled, _"Aw, don't be sad!"_

Jade jumped, at first startled, and then looked at her best friend incredulously, wondering how it reached the point where _Cat_ was comforting _her_. Regardless, she fell into the hug she was offered.

Two days later, she was overworking herself for a part in a play, a play she and Beck were going to audition for. There were heavy, dark bags under her eyes, her hands were severely shaking, and her eyes were still glassy.

It was André who finally took the script from her hands and calmly asked, _"Why don't you take a little break?"_

She wanted nothing more then to grab the script back out of his hands and beat him repeatedly with it, but instead, she walked away, scolding herself for being weak, for wanting to curl into a corner and cry.

But what almost _killed _her had yet to come. Two days later, on an early Friday morning, the Hollywood Arts janitor tore off Beck's locker door, and slowly set it down in the trash bin he was rolling around with himself. Then out came Beck's cologne. Beck's textbooks. Beck's decal. Beck's necklace. Then, Beck's favorite flannel.

Unable to stop herself, she ran towards the janitor, and tackled him to the floor, grabbing him by the collar and screaming, _"What're you doing! Don't touch his stuff! Don't throw it away! I hate you! I hate you!"_

The janitor couldn't do anything, just laid in fear as Jade screamed at him. Tori ran toward her, pulling the deranged and desperate Jade off of the poor man.

"_What're you doing, Jade?" _Tori yelled. Jade gasped for air, pointing at the janitor, who was still on the floor.

"_He was taking out all of Beck's stuff! And throwing it away!" _Jade replied, voice nearly breaking. Tori sniffled rubbing at her eye.

"_Maybe you just need to forget about Beck."_

Jade's knees gave out beneath her, and André quickly caught her arm before she fell. She had a panic attack.

And on it went. Three months after Beck's death, and Jade still isn't fixed. And she doesn't think she can ever be.

She remembers even standing around, yesterday, as everyone in her old group rejoiced; graduation would come in two days. She stood, watching them chatter happily about the ceremony.

She was alone.

And for the remainder of her life, she would be.

* * *

><p><strong>Na, na. Na, na, na. Na, na.<strong>

* * *

><p>Jade is so caught up with her memories, she doesn't realize she's home until her hand's found the doorknob. She pushes the door to her mother's house open, to find that her mother's gone, with her boyfriend of the week, again. But this does not deter her. Jade heads straight for the bathroom, wanting nothing more but to wash the days away, <em>to<em> _make the pain go away._

Jade her clothes off of her pale, cold body, and looks down at her hand. It's gotten a lot thinner since Beck left. Tears blurring her vision, she slips off one gold ring, a ring with white flowers and diamonds replacing the pollen. It was the ring she wore the first day she met Beck, the first she kissed Beck, and the first he told her he loved her. She sets it softly on the edge of her porcelain bathtub. She slides another ring off her finger, a silver tribal band he had gotten her for their first anniversary. She sets it softly on the edge of her porcelain bathtub. She lifts a necklace over her head, and stares at it. It was the matching necklace Beck had gotten for her the first time he told her he loved her, the one they both always wore. She sets it softly on the edge of her porcelain bathtub. She starts to run the water, and puts her fingers under the spout, feeling the warmth. She takes her hand out from under, and stares at her nail polish, which is now ever-so-slightly shining with dew drops from the water.

She sets her last item down softly on the edge of the bathtub. A razor.

She steps into the water, her feet making soft ripples in the water. She never once stops sobbing.

* * *

><p><strong>I miss you.<strong>

* * *

><p>"I love you, too."<p>

* * *

><p><strong>an: i'm sorry, ridingcupcake, i realize how much this sucks. xD**

**oh well. read & review? :D**


End file.
